Remembering Katie (Please Help!)

A year ago on October 26, my sister, Katie, was told she had 3-6 months left to live.  She lived 3 weeks. My emotions have been stronger than expected as very vivid memories of those final three weeks have returned. I'm so thankful I was able to be a small part of her last days (If interested, see here, here and here.  See the funeral link here.)  I find it interesting that earlier this week I thought that I still had plenty of time to pull this post together.  Then yesterday it hit like lightning--I don't have a lot of time.  The time that she lived after that news was so so short.  This project suddenly jumped to the top of my to do list.

One of Katie's gifts to those she loved was sending notes that cheered and blessed and brightened.  One of the tasks she put me in charge of when I arrived to help during her last week was to finish up cards.  She had a long list of people to write to.  She had some cards designed, but had not assembled them; I finished them for her.  Then very laboriously she wrote or dictated (both were very hard for her) what they should say. (Because her handwriting had declined, she also asked me to rewrite the notes she had written.)  Sending these cards out were top priority on her 'things to do before I die' list.  This wasn't just something she wanted to do because she was near the end of her life, making cards and sending notes was a pattern that was consistent throughout her life.  In fact, she left a fairly large box of cards she had made over the years ready for use when she needed a one.  Many of us have sweet, cheerful and thankful words that she sent over the years.

In memory of her, I would like to follow her lead.  If you join me, I would be cheered. My goal is to cheer, bless and brighten, or send heartfelt thanks to at least 100 people before her death date anniversary on November 16.  I have made 100 cards to give to whomever wants them. (If you would like to send one of your own instead of using mine, that would be fantastic also.)  All you need to do is leave a comment or send me an email to receive cards. Then send me your mailing address (unless you are local) either to my real email address or my fake address:  chart@utwire.net.  

I have 3 card options you can choose from (click to enlarge):

This is the Message Card.
There are about 5 different pattern papers this card is made from.
I will customize a message on the cover for you.  "thinking of you"
"thank you"  "sending cheer"  etc.  Just let me know.

This is the Thank You Card.

This is the Ruffle Card.

As I was working on these cards Tessa asked what I was doing.  Once she understood what I was doing, (at first she thought I was selling them) she insisted that she make some too.  And so then of course, Greta had to join in.  I helped them quite a bit, but they did a fair amount, including picking papers and ribbons.  I know these cards will likely not be the first to go, but they were probably made with more love than mine.  (I did put a small note on the back that they were made by the girls and their ages.)   Here is the design of the girls' cards.  All are a bit different.

I will put a post below this one so you can see what cards are available.  Sign up for as many as you want just as long as you can send them off before November 16th.  I will mail or deliver cards with envelopes starting next Monday (October 31).  Thank you for joining me on this endeavor to honor Katie.

Thank you, thank you for your wonderful response!!  My cards are all gone, so if you didn't get cards, please send some anyway in honor of Katie.  Her legacy lives on! Together we ended up sending over 160 cards--at least the ones that I heard about! Thank you again!

Forty

A few weeks ago I got this card in the mail.

I laughed out loud, especially given that my brother-in-law, Dennis had sent it.

But when I read it, I cried. Katie had bought it for me.  How nice of her to think of me ahead of time.  (and for Dennis being organized enough to remember and get it sent!)

So what did I do as I sped past that milestone?

My wonderful husband had thought and thought (although, probably not very hard because he is very smart :) about what I would like to do on that day.  And then he planned accordingly.

He arranged for a sitter so we could out to breakfast and then to the temple. Not much could be better in my opinion. 

It was such a good temple visit.  While there, I contemplated,  reflected and pondered.  How have I done on my journey in mortality thus far?  Am I where I should be?   Am I progressing sufficiently?  Am I spending my time and other resources on the things that matter most?  Is my life acceptable before God?  Those were hard questions.  I concluded that while I'm so very far from where Heavenly Father needs me to be, He has definitely made much more out of my life than I would have by myself.   That was a satisfying conclusion. I also committed the remainder of my life to Him.  I will do my best to serve Him.  

After the temple I went and got a much needed haircut.  While I got my haircut, Tom picked up my 'cake'--a dozen cookies from Smart Cookie.  (Yay!  So much better than a cake!)  Then we came home for lunch because I had so many left overs I wanted to get rid of.  We were just heading out to go shopping for a few new clothes when we got a call from Caleb.  He was on the bus on his way to a XC meet and he couldn't find his spikes (shoes for the race).  So we headed over to the high school where he left them and Tom looked in both of his lockers, around the gym and other places Caleb directed, until he found them---in a friend's truck.  By that time it was time for us to leave for the race so shopping was postponed.  After the race, I went to the RS's Fabulous Friday and helped people make cards.

Later in the week, we eventually got out shopping.  Tom wanted to get me a new Sunday outfit but I talked him into some frumpy mom clothes. (They make the work that I love and do everyday so much easier.) He wanted me to get more, but I wanted to save money so we ended at that. (It was for my birthday, after all!  And he already had got me some new blinds for my back door and a canvas to paint.)

Here's to many more years of learning and growing and happiness!

Cross Country

Caleb is part of an amazing Cross Country team.  I love going to meets.  It really is fun to see them race.  The varsity is a nationally ranked team--moving from 34th in the pre-season up to 2nd as of last rankings. (See here; then here is the team blog.) The JV team is also very good--at regionals last week, that team had a perfect score (having the first 5 runners)--Caleb came in 2nd.   I love to see Caleb help his team be successful. All so exciting!

Caleb is in the white.  This picture is from
a race where the JV team ran in a varsity race.

That said, it has been a season of ups and downs for Caleb.  He started off the season strong, placing well enough in the pre-region race to qualify for the varsity team at the next meet.  During that week, he had a fairly major reaction to a medication and had to be put on a steroid to get the hives under control. The next meet was at the hardest course in Utah--Soldier Hollow.  It is all hills with very little level running the whole race.  Caleb was near the finish and had pretty good placement for this course and his first varsity race, when he hyperventilated and fell--twice (maybe 100 ft from the finish--but I'm terrible with length estimates).  It possibly was related to the medication, but it also could have been lack of hydration or gritting his teeth so he didn't get enough oxygen.  For whatever reason, (perhaps some mental) since then he has really struggled with his health.  He says his muscles have felt like jelly and has been very weak at the end of races and practices, where at the beginning of the season he felt much stronger.  So while he has still placed decently in the JV races, they have been quite disappointing because he has led the races until the last mile, then only being able to come up with a 2nd or 3rd placement.  We've tried some series of iron, multivitamins and protein and think we've finally come up with a combination that is making at least a bit of a difference for him.  (Hopefully!)

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Even with all of that, this Cross County--ing is a love-hate relationship for me. *Deep Sigh*  It takes so much time to be a nationally ranked team.  Mornings.  Nights.  Weekends.  Holidays. Day in and day out.  All year round.  It is so good for him.  I don't deny that.  The discipline. . .influence of a good coach. . .too busy to get in trouble (not that he would, but this commitment makes it near impossible). . . friendships with other disciplined kids. .  .health benefits. . . to name a few.  But our family really sacrifices every day so that he can be part of this team.  It changes dynamics significantly.  My day is often carved around his needs so I can help him be successful with XC and his school work (which is really my top priority).   I'm okay with sacrifices.  I really am.  The thing I struggle with is whether this is the best thing (you know, the good, better, best talk?).  He has had to miss YM's from time to time.  His school work suffers a bit.  He has little time for service in or out of the family (Elder Oaks calls service within the family: chores.).  On the day of service, he was at practice while many ward and stake members were cleaning a trail that they frequently run on.  Many kids have invited him to help with Eagle projects and been unable.  Meeting the request of Elder Bednar in the last conference is going to be quite a stretch for him, if even possible.  I'm convinced that service is necessary to produce an unselfish teenager.   Finding balance has been difficult. So I worry. He has my full support. And I've had a confirmation that this is what he should be doing.  That should be enough to put the worries in my heart to rest.  Elder Andersen says time and truth are on my side. Faith not fear.  Be still little worries. He'll still be a contributing, serving adult and a good husband and father.  Thanks for listening to my little self pep talk. 

RS Message

The first Sunday of  October, our Relief Society President wanted to have a meeting where all RS sisters could attend and be inspired to learn from the new book Daughters in My Kingdom.  She had the RS, YW and Primary Presidents speak.  Louise, the RS president, spoke on what we could learn from the book.  Cheryl, the YW president, spoke on the World Wide Circle of Sisters.  I loved how she pointed out that no matter which hallway we served in within the ward, we were all connected through the RS.  The same is true outside of our ward.  I was asked to speak on living up to our privileges.  Here are my notes:  (these are for my records, don't feel obligated to read!)

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There once was a man whose lifelong dream was to board a cruise ship and sail the Mediterranean Sea. He dreamed of walking the streets of Rome, Athens, and Istanbul. He saved every penny until he had enough for his passage. Since money was tight, he brought an extra suitcase filled with cans of beans, boxes of crackers, and bags of powdered lemonade, and that is what he lived on every day.

He would have loved to take part in the many activities offered on the ship—working out in the gym, playing miniature golf, and swimming in the pool. He envied those who went to movies, shows, and cultural presentations. And, oh, how he yearned for only a taste of the amazing food he saw on the ship—every meal appeared to be a feast! But the man wanted to spend so very little money that he didn’t participate in any of these. He was able to see the cities he had longed to visit, but for the most part of the journey, he stayed in his cabin and ate only his humble food.

On the last day of the cruise, a crew member asked him which of the farewell parties he would be attending. It was then that the man learned that not only the farewell party but almost everything on board the cruise ship—the food, the entertainment, all the activities—had been included in the price of his ticket. Too late the man realized that he had been living far beneath his privileges.

The question this parable raises is, are we as Relief Society sisters living below our privileges when it comes to the gifts, and blessings that are our opportunity and right as daughters in God’s kingdom? (story from talk by President Uchtdorf; adapted to apply to RS)

My assigned topic is living up to our privileges. What does this mean?

As I've sought to understand what it means to live up to our privileges, an analogy has been presented to my mind. Each of my children have certain privileges they enjoy and certain privileges that are withheld. For example:

Greta (2 years old) has earned the privileges of feeding herself, making a few limited choices on what to eat, sleeping in a bed she can get out herself. She does not have the privilege of wearing underwear or being left in a bathroom unattended.

Tessa (4) has the privilege of wearing underwear, and being able to go in the backyard whenever she wants. She does not have the privileges of being in the front yard by herself. She is not allowed to pour milk by herself, cook or do laundry by herself.

Chandler (11) has all of the privileges his sisters have. He can also come and go more freely than the younger two, but he is not allowed to drive or cook without supervision.

Caleb (16) is earning the privilege of driving; he can cook, but he does not have the privilege of going places without answering in detail to: who, what, where, when, why and how.

Over the years Cache has earned many privileges and now has gained the full privileges that I can give. But it also has come with more responsibility. He is enjoying the freedom young adulthood brings, but he now has to cook, clean, do laundry and pay his own way.

Privileges expand as we learn, take on greater responsibilities and obey. They expand as we grow into our responsibilities. So, how do I grow into the privileges Heavenly Father will grant to me? I need to learn and then do my duties. This RS book can help! Some are outlined on pages 21, 51, 115, 123 for specific ideas, other duties are within the pages and some will be presented to my mind as I read. While these are things I must take responsibility for, they are ultimately the things that I can do to have a better life. Think of my little Greta never earning the privilege to wear underwear. Her life will be better when she eventually takes on that responsibility—and it is something that will bless her life ever more, even if she forgets that privilege is hers.  Right now, she doesn't even comprehend what privilege awaits her and how much better that will make her life.   

As we learn from this RS book and learn and grow in our roles as RS sisters, our lives will improve. Taking on greater responsibility can seem daunting, but we each can pray to know our path and how to fulfill the responsibilities we each have. Our lives do not have to all the be same--what is right for one, may not be the answer for another. As we act on what we receive, we will be living up to our privileges and angels, guidance and Heavenly help cannot be held back.

To paraphrase a few tidbits from the last chapter: We live up to our privilege by fulfilling God's purposes for us. Relief Society helps us know our purpose. Through Relief Society, we receive a vision and assurance of our identity as daughters of God (see p 171) God loves us and has grand purposes for us to fulfill. The Lord has endowed us with an innate desire to serve and bless others, and He has entrusted us with a sacred responsibility to use our gifts to help save His children. (p 171-172) Daughters of God live up to their privilege by following in the footsteps of those who came before and acted in faith. To live up to our privileges is laying aside the problems and temptations that beset us and run the race the Lord has given us.

What are these privileges that I'll receive as I fulfill my responsibilities?  To name just a few:

It is my privilege to know I am loved unconditionally by God. It is my privilege to have help with my problems. It is my privilege to know how to meet the responsibilities I have. It is my privilege to have opportunities to serve. It is my privilege to save lives with my nurturing influence.

To paraphrase/quote President Uchtdorf again: As you read the scriptures and listen to the words of the prophets with all your heart and mind, the Lord will tell you how to live up to your privileges as God's daughter.

I testify that as we learn our duties, and fulfill our God-given responsibilities, the powers of heaven will not be held back--they cannot be. Help will come in so many ways. To repeat Joseph Smith “The angels cannot be restrained from being your associates. If we are pure, nothing can hinder.”

Teacher Appreciation

We gave this thank you card to our Primary teachers on the day of the Program.  We printed them at Costco as a 4x6 photo and simply taped on a Butterfinger candy bar (we added an 's' with a marker on the candy bar to make it say Butterfingers).  Very easy!  You are welcome to use it if you would like (Primary or otherwise--let me know--it would be very easy to take out the Primary Presidency signature.).  If you need a higher quality image than what you can download here, email me and I'll send you one.  chart@utwire.net

Caleb's Birthday

Our busy teenager turned 16!

For his birthday meal he wanted Tiny Spicy Chicken and Homemade Panda Express Chow Mein (I'm working on the latter recipe; it still needs lots of tweaks, so I haven't posted it yet.)  He wanted a German Chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream.  I also offered to make something to take to his Cross Country team after practice that day--he chose cinnamon rolls.  So I was in the kitchen all day!  By the time dinner rolled around, I had ran the dishwasher 3 times!  But I was a very popular mom (read:  it made Caleb extremely happy) for the delivery of hot cinnamon rolls to AFHS on a cold day.  So it was all worth it.

Caleb is a great kid!  Of course we don't get out of experiencing normal teenage mood swings, but for the most part Caleb is a happy kid.  He often concerns himself with the needs of his siblings (especially the girls) above his own.  He works hard to keep his grades up even though he is so busy with Cross Country.  Just an example of his good nature:  He has been in need of new underwear and so I got some and wrapped some up with his birthday gifts.  Instead of a selfish, ungrateful, grumpy reaction that he could have given, he said "Yeeessss!" and was genuinely grateful for the gift.  He also got money to go toward a XC trip, a white shirt and some running gear.  We're so glad to have  him part of our family!  

Piled Up!

This past weekend we had:
*Two birthdays
*A cross country meet
*The RS Craft night--I designed cards for this and sisters signed up for more than 250 cards
*A baptism (for a Primary child)
*Primary Program practice (with ice cream sundaes for all the kids)
*Company who came for the football game
*BYU football game
*Intense work on a big school project Caleb has due on Wednesday
*Chandler had a wintery day camp (so it was necessary to retrieve snow clothes from the attic at 5:45 am!)
*Primary Program
*Sharing Time
*Spoke in RS (where all sisters met so we had to arrange for Primary subs for all sisters)
*Caleb's ordination, and company and dinner for that

I'm glad the weekend is over.  I crashed after everyone left (for 15 minutes) then got up and went to a Court of Honor and got Cache back to BYU.

Perhaps a few details about some of these happenings will be forthcoming.  Right now I'm too tired to think. . .but yay! we made it through with only one smallish moment of feeling like I wasn't going to survive.  Thanks to everyone who helped me navigate smoothly through such a busy few days!  You are the best!