Fear Not!

The other day I listened to BYU-I former President and newly called Elder Kim Clark's final devotional given at BYU-I.  something he said caught my attention powerfully. Here is a loose quote "The natural man looks forward with the eye of fear and only sees failure and darkness and pain.  Fear does not come upon us slowly.  It springs up quickly and can cloud our vision and perspective.  Fear can cause us to react to our trials with resentment, denial, anger and self pity.  Fear does not go away easily.  It reoccurs relentlessly and it resists our efforts to overcome it."

When he said "Fear does not come upon us slowly.  It springs up quickly... " my first thought was a shout  "Fear is force then!"   And then my mind just kept shouting that.  Fear is a force!  Wow. Satan's plan--to use force to compel us to actions he wants-- in essence, in this missive, to force us how to feel.  I looked up force and here is what I found:  A type of coercion or compulsion.  To make someone do something against their will.  Synonyms:  compel, coerce, make, impel, pressure, push, oppression, harassment, intimidation, threats, arm twisting, bullying tactics.  Those are interesting words to put with Satan's desire to fill us with fear--to bully us into resentment, denial, anger and self pity.

Elder Clark reminded us that Jesus Christ gave us a commandment to 'Fear not'.  (See Genesis 15:1, Deuteronomy 1:21, Joshua 8:1, Judges 6:10, 2 Kings 6:16, Luke 5:10, D&C 6:36, D&C 136:17 to name a few.)

So just the next day I was given an opportunity to try to push back fear.  It was so inconsequential, but in the end, I learned a great deal.

In the morning Tessa was moving quite slowly and I was concerned she was going to make her ride to school have to wait for her (heaven forbid...).  Soon my concern became a bit of a fearful worry.  I recognized the fear that was creeping in and so I got to work on myself. Self talk went something like this:  It is okay!!!  If she made her wait one day, it's going to matter so little.  Tomorrow it wouldn't even be remembered.  If she is so slow, I can take her myself.  Not a worry.  Etc.

Well, I was still unable to get rid of my fear.  And that bothered me all day.  I had new knowledge and I was trying to apply it and I had been unsuccessful.  I was so disappointed with myself.

That night in my prayers I worked on that instance--praying for forgiveness for allowing fear to reign in my mind and also help to understand why I had not been successful when I felt I understood the principle.  The thought came to me with quite a stir in my heart "Did you think you had the ability to push back fear with your own strength and knowledge?  That is impossible."

Then my mind opened up to a beautiful understanding.  The image I have above my kitchen sink came to mind.  It is a picture of the Savior pulling Peter out of the water. Peter had started sinking because he became fearful.  Of course! -- I cannot lift myself up from being pushed down by a bully-tactic of Satan.  The water is too deep and impossible to stand on without the help of the Master of Ocean and Earth and Skies.  He can and will immediately lift me from my fear (and the consequences of my fear).(See Matthew 14:31)  Another thing that occurred to me was that the Savior did not and maybe could not because of the laws of faith, rescue Peter without Peter crying out "Lord, save me".

Elder Bednar said in his April 2015 conference talk that "This potent emotion (fear) is an important element of our mortal existence."  Why?  So we can learn how to rely on the Savior.  We can hush our fears by calling out to the Savior to save us.  Elder Bednar reminds  "Can we hush the fears that so easily and frequently beset us in our contemporary world?  The answer to this question is an unequivocal yes."

So if this commandment to 'fear not' is impossible to obey with my own knowledge, ability or will power,  I must call on my Savior to be lifted up from Satan's hard pushes, forces, coercion, threatening, intimidating pressures to knock me down with fear--even on something so inconsequential as making someone wait a few minutes.  I can only be rescued, guided, helped, taught or divinely directed how to hush my fears that debilitate me by constantly calling out "Lord, save me".  Fear may be a force.  But faith is power.

In my mind's eye, during that revelatory moment in my prayer, I heard the Savior saying "You cannot walk on water with your own ability. But I can. Come, let me teach you, fear not.  We'll walk in faith together."

Elder Clark said "When we look forward with the eye of faith and take righteous actions, divine light and power flow into our lives."  (I love that word much more than force.)  "In the strength of the Lord we can meet all challenges, set doubt aside and take no counsel from our fears."

"Look unto me in every thought.  Doubt not, fear not."  D&C 6:36

Menus and Meal Planning

Pretty much my whole life, I've had a menu list on my fridge of food ideas for the month. I would shop for the entire month and then pick a main dish to make each day depending on my time and mood.  I thought it worked quite well, comparatively speaking.

And then Caleb started running cross country and wanted to eat pasta the night before each race AND the night before that.  With a race each week or so, I had to start planning specifically so we didn't have to eat spaghetti 8 times a month--which up to that point in my cooking career was about my only pasta option (not really, but kinda close--I'm not a huge pasta fan).  So to get me around that roadblock, I started planning specifically what we would eat each night.

It was such a different way for me to think about menu planning and  it was so overwhelming at first so I went to weekly meal plans instead of a monthly list.  Eventually, I realized how much easier my life was to have that part of it planned out in advance that I started working toward doing it for a month at a time. I don't love shopping (detest might be a better word) so shopping weekly about did me in. But I also realized how much I loved having an exact plan so I had to figure out how to marry the two plans.  At first it took me 6 or so hours to plan menus for a month, and sometimes I would work on it across a few days, but with practice, I've become much better and can do it in a couple of hours.  Planning meals this way has blessed my life so much because it eliminates the emotionally draining question of the day: "What should I make for dinner?"  It also allows me a specific plan to provide a home-cooked, mostly nutritious meal to gather my family in the evening.  For the most part, dinner is non-negotiable at our house-- but, I like to think that my kids don't like to miss it.  (Presumptuous?  Maybe... :)

To make my menu plan work, I begin by putting my calendar in my menu planner--a very sophisticated grid notebook.  That way I can work around busy days and plan meals that I will have time to pull off each day. Then I make a list of dinner foods I want to make that month.  I put ones that require little effort on the really busy days and then I put the ones that have vegetables that perish quickly towards the first of the month.  I put the ones with longer lasting veggies towards the end of the month until I have every day filled in.  I also try to fill in the breads, sides, salads etc. that I will need to go along with the main dish.  (In the past, I didn't ever do more than a main dish, but I've found with big eaters if I want any leftovers for lunches, I need to plan sides.  Doing that is kind of a pain, but it makes it work so much better.) Then I put reminders on my phone to know the days I need to take the chicken, fish etc. out of the freezer so they can defrost in the fridge.  I also add reminders to make breads, chop veggies or other things that need to be done in advance.

This probably sounds like a crazy way to do things to most people.  It sounds crazy to me, but it blesses my life SO much. For me it has become a great way to manage keeping a family well fed, especially as my life has gotten extremely busier than it used to be. I wake up in the morning knowing exactly what needs to be done to pull off dinner that night and I plan my day around it.

One of my biggest motivators for cooking over the years has been my teen boys.  One thing I've found is that the old adage (with a twist) is true:  The way to a teenage boy's heart is through his stomach.  I've found my teen boys are much more amiable and great to be around if they are well fed. My meals often cater to the most potentially-grumpy teen and their preferences, because I've also found another twisted adage to be true:  if the teenager is happy, then everyone is happy.  Thus, keeping teens fed with food they like (but also a measure of nutrition--requirement of the mom) is very important to me.  It is a powerful way to gather and nurture.

Here are a few images of how this works for me:

This is the first page in my menu planner.  I like to look back and see how this process has grown and evolved.  The cut portion on the right is where I keep a current grocery list and where I write down what needs to be purchased as I make menus.  Originally, I took that cut off piece as my shopping list.  Since then, I've put it on the computer so I can categorize the items per my shopping route in the stores.  On the left I write the date and menus then to the right (next to cut cut portion) I record what I have coming up in the month before I plan so I know what I have to work around.  

I love that I can go back and look at what we've eaten over the years.  It gives me ideas for meals each month and also a picture of how our eating/food preferences change over time.  I've really grown to love this method of thinking about food. 

This is the left side of the notebook.  Each month after I put my calendar on the right side, I start a list of food we'd like to eat that month.  After I have them all recorded, I start plugging them into the month.  I usually ask for input from others in the family, sometimes they have input, sometimes they don't.  If we ever plan to eat out (rare, and in actuality, the kids don't like to eat out, unless it is nicer restaurant) it goes into the planner as well.  This month, it looks like we were going to eat at Chick-fil-A so we could go visit Caleb while at work--such a rare, rare thing for us.  A funny thing:  one time we were out of town and our dinner plan fell through.  Tom and I decided we'd stop at a local joint and get pizza.  The kids all started whining and grumping something serious  "I'ts going to be sssooooo gross!  We don't want to eat out."  I just laughed.  Poor doomed kids.  

A more recent version.  It has been a blessing to have this in place as I've become much busier. 

Cooking and recipes are always a work in progress.  I often reprint recipes as I revise them when I've got them more to my liking.  This one, however, I think I'll always use like this since it came from an email from my sister, Katie.

Another example of ever-evolving recipes.  This is one I devised myself in efforts to remove as much processed food from our diet as I can. Even after the first time, it was quite good, but I usually can't leave well enough alone.  As you can see I still make notes and tweaks and changes, many of these changes have been over time.  At some point I'll reprint it with my most recent methods.   Just to note, since I made the comment about processed foods,  over time I've started serving this without corn chips and I'm just as well liked as without them :).  I usually just serve it with avocados, tomatoes, green onions, cilantro, sour cream and cheese. 

Another tweaking example.  They always happen over time.  Obviously I'm a pretty messy cook!  I don't keep things in sheet protectors because it is such a pain to pull them out when I want to make notes (all the time!).  When they get so bad that I can't read them, I'll reprint them with my tweaks.

PS.  Don't tell me how weird I am...I already know!

All in an Afternoon's Read

 I can't be quite sure, but I think it might have been a boring book??

Playing Offense!

A great analogy has been forming in my mind the past few months.  At our Stake's Zone conference in January, Elder Nemrow (the Sr. missionary who oversees all of the Sr. couples in our mission and who was just called as an Area Seventy) said something to the effect:  "We spend so much of our time playing defense.  We do so many things to try to keep the adversary out of our lives such as Internet filters, time locks on media etc. etc. --and we should. But we should also spend a great deal of time playing offense.  And missionary work is playing offense.  It naturally wards off the adversary."

So I've been thinking about playing offense versus defense.  Here are some thoughts I've had:  When we are just trying to cope with what life is throwing at us, we are playing defense.  When we don't have a plan, we fumble the ball.  When we take offense, we throw an interception.  When we speak unkindly, we don't get a first down.  Here are some other things I've thought of that put us on defense:  selfishness, pride, wasting time, procrastinating, thinking negative thoughts about ourselves or others, being unkind, not forgiving, blaming, taking things personally, allowing ourselves to be sidetracked, comparing ourselves to others etc. and etc.

On the other hand, offensive practices are things like having a plan, giving service, using time wisely, praying, attending the temple, forgiving, repenting, studying the scriptures, family history work, ministering, acting charitably, acting better than we feel like acting, taking responsibility for our problems etc.

So an application of that principle in my everyday life as a mother could look something like this:  a day spent on defense--I don't begin my scripture study with prayer and I just read to read.  No objective is focused on and met.  I don't have a breakfast plan, the kids wake up very hungry then grump or cry because they don't like the default breakfast of toast or oatmeal.  This wears on me because I haven't geared up sufficiently spiritually so I do not exercise patience and act grumpy as well.  Defense!  When I get them off to school and I have so many things to do, but because the morning was a bit wearing I tell myself I need a slight break so I look at blogs and then the news etc. and soon much of my time to accomplish many things is used up.  So when the kids come home from school, I try to squeeze in my things while they need me.  I try to ward off their needs by telling them to get to work.  They don't respond to that well so they get frustrated with me and can't focus on their homework. I don't need to go on. . .

But if I have a plan and I follow it, and if, into part of that plan is time to meet individual needs as they arise and to respond to those needs with love, I am playing offense.  If I have a plan for the day and stick to it as much as I can,then, when (not if!) something unexpected happens that throws me into defense, I'm able to have the emotional stamina to get to work and figure a way to get back on offense.

The great offensive coordinator (Heavenly Father via the Spirit) calls the plays for the offense!  The other way, I'm listening way too much to the great defensive coordinator (Satan) and that never turns out well. Chandler explained to us this week that defense is what is trying to get you to not accomplish your goal.  We read about Alma this week slaying Amlici.  I pictured Alma fighting a bit defensively until he prayed to have his life spared so he could be an instrument in Heavenly Father's hands and then he was able to take control of the situation and play offense until the goal was attained.  (Note to self: praying for other people and to be of service are GREAT ways to play offensively!)  So my advice to myself this week:  Play offense! And as soon as I slip into defense, take responsibility for my part and get back on offense!

Temporal things also work out better when I play offense:  budgeting, meal planning, housework are a few examples.  For example, when an unexpected financial wrench is thrown, I can be thrown onto defense trying to figure out how to cope with that expense.  However, if I have a fund to cover those kinds of things, getting back on offense is pretty easy, If there is not a plan, I could stay on defense too long, which won't take long to wear me down in other areas.   I've noticed for myself, that if I stay on defense in one area of my life too long, it is a domino effect in other areas.  That makes getting back on offense more of a mountain than just a simple switch of gears.

So here's my note to myself:  Stay on offense!  Counsel with the Great Offensive Coordinator often! Plan and prepare so when I lose the ball, I am able to have the emotional stamina to pull myself back into offense.  Thank you Elder Nemrow for great food for thought!