Adventures in Photography

This post should be more accurately titled "Adventures in Photo Taking" because you will quickly notice there are no photography skills exhibited! Problem 1: We only had 3 minutes for photos this morning. Problem 2: Girlies were NOT cooperative! Problem 3: I don't have too many photography skills to bring to the table in the first place. Problem 4: I keep my camera on consecutive shot so that I have a chance of possible coinciding smiles. None of those are good conditions to get lovely 16x20 displayable photos. And since I'm too cheap to pay for something like that, I have to be happy with this:

I'm not winning any photography contests any time soon, but given the conditions, I have to be happy with what I got. At least the photos say a thousand words about real life personalities!

Tears

The other day I was reading this awesome article. A very small part of it talked about Mary's 'silent courage' in traveling to Bethlehem and delivering her first born son alone. The article itself is amazing (how can it not be, as it is by Elder Holland), and it brought strong emotions not only because it helped me appreciate the nativity story more deeply, but also because it was with 'silent courage' that Katie dealt with her cancer. She rarely complained, but spent her days cheering others who were saddened by her health. A bit later with those thoughts on my mind, I was reading to my girls and I choked up again. Tessa noticed the tears and asked why I was crying. I simply told her that I missed my sister. A few minutes later she was off in a corner faking a cry (although, she had me fooled for a few seconds!). I asked her what was wrong. She burst into more fake tears, "I miss Santa!" She has quite a knack for changing moods very quickly!

Tessa's 4th birthday

I feel bad Tessa's birthday was sandwiched in between Katie's death and funeral, (as was Katie's daughter's, Camille---they share a birthday) but what to do? I did make her two requests for meals--corn bread for breakfast and chicken and rice for lunch (her all time fave). She got band-aids, a book, a dress and a doctor's kit. After the lunch, most of the family took off for the football game. She got to watch a movie and then I took her for a hair cut--which delighted her to no end. Thankfully she didn't seem to notice everything else that was taking away from her day! Just a few pictures ('cause I was a bad mom and this is all I got!):

Katie's Funeral

Just a few pictures from the viewing. I didn't take many, but I did want to share the few I did. Mary had fallen asleep on the way to the mortuary and was quite distraught with being woken up. Dennis held her for a while but then tried to pass her off. She wouldn't have it. We finally got her a chair to sit by him. She sat there and held his hand for a large portion of the night. It was so sweet.

Caleb had been so concerned all week about 'being there for Brandon and Jeffrey' and wanted them to feel like he cared. He was a bit frustrated that they had to stand in the line because that meant he couldn't spend the time with them he wanted. So he joined them! He stood in the line with them most of the evening and quite a bit of the next day just to be a support for them. It was so so sweet.

Camille and Alexa (didn't get a picture of Drew)

I wanted to share just a few things from the tribute we gave at Katie's funeral (because we were running long, some of these things were not shared at that time).

After Katie's first year of college she got a job at Pizza Villa. Often I would have to go pick her up from work. At the end of each day, they just threw away any extra dough they had. But instead of doing that, we would secretly gift it to people—often leaving it on their doorsteps or in their mail boxes. Our hope was that it would rise and become a larger gift than we left. After dropping it off, we always got away fast! Once time we were in our dad's little white pick up truck with friends in the back. We delivered the pizza dough to a house on a deserted gravel road. We saw a car coming and just knew the people in it were the recipient of our gift. In that little stick-shift truck, Katie spun quite a bit on the gravel before peeling out. It made quite a racket and roughed up the rear passengers. Thankfully we weren't caught, but we became less-frequent doughers after that—perhaps that also had to do with our guilt about committing this crime on a seminary teacher! Katie was always a lot of fun.

Last year I needed a story about smiles effecting people for my sharing time. I asked my family in an email for help. This is the story I got from Katie:

"After my surgery and hardships after it, I was frustrated with the lack of service I could give. I prayed and felt inspired to wave at people. I couldn't drive, cook, clean, garden, sew or anything else, but I could wave and smile."

One day in this past October I called Katie. I asked what she was doing. She was moping floor---with one hand. I tried to talk her out of that telling her it wasn't necessary. But she wanted to. She had waited for so long to have this addition to her home and she wanted to keep it nice. Cleaning was such an important homemaking skill to her. She knew that a clean home invited the Spirit and she wanted to have a home worthy of that.

Katie told me that she really did not feel like going to church the Sunday after returning from Disneyland. She just didn't know how she could go and make it feeling the way she was. But then she realized that no matter how terrible she felt, she would go with her friends to lunch the next day. She couldn't justify missing church because she was miserable if the next day she was going to go out with friends regardless of how she felt. So she went. What an example!

Just last month Katie shared with me that her darkest moments of her life have been during pregnancies—even harder than cancer has been for her. She was willing to endure those painful months to bring each of her babies into the world. She always said that all she really wanted to be was a Mom--even at an emotional cost greater than cancer would be to her.

We feel that Katie's work from the other side of the veil began very soon. Just one evidence of that: The day Katie passed away, Mary was lost. While she wasn't crying or acting distraught, she would not leave Dennis's side or arms. She would not look at others or talk to them. The next morning she woke up at 6:00 and came right to me. She looked me in the eye and said with all the confidence in the world, “Mommy's better now.” Then she let me hold her and talk to her. Dennis came in and said that Mary told him “Mommy whispered in my ear. She is better now.” Mary was a different girl after that. She played and talked and interacted like before. I don't think that anything else could have convinced her and changed her behavior so dramatically. Tender mercies abound!

I'll close with the end of my dad's talk:

Now we have lost our mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. Does this frustrate the plan of our Father in Heaven? Does it frustrate the plan for this family? No to both questions. Everything is in order. God will compensate for our loss and make us all better because of it. Jesus is the Christ and has prepared everything for our returning to the God who gave us life.

A Tender Mercy

I went to visit Katie on November 9. I planned on staying until the evening of the 11th. However, because of her condition, I spent the nights mulling her future over in my mind instead of sleeping. By Thursday I was so very, very exhausted. I decided that since I have such a hard time staying awake while driving, it was best to spend Thursday night there and I made arrangements for my family for another half day. However, Thursday evening, my mother heart called loudly for me to get home to my own kids. So I left. I didn't leave a good situation. At that point, Katie needed constant care, I didn't stay long enough to help Drew with his homework and Dennis had parent teacher conferences to attend that night. (I had made 24/7 care arrangements for her, but because I thought Dennis would be home that evening, I didn't schedule the next helper until Friday morning.) And because of the hurriedness of my decision, I left without much of a goodbye to Katie. All the way home I berated myself for taking off in such haste and leaving Katie in such a bad situation. I felt very selfish and couldn't believe I put my needs before hers. Yet I kept on driving home. I spent the weekend feeling terrible I had done such a thing--especially after arriving home to a house full of sleeping children.

As she continued to decline over the weekend I called often to check on her and asked the care takers to be brave and ask hospice how long they thought she would live (I had heard that they could give a fairly accurate time frame). On Monday Andi called at 1:00 to say that hospice didn't think she would make it until the end of the week, but really it could be any time. I had to say goodbye to her and I couldn't risk waiting, so I threw a bag together and left 1/2 hour after that phone call. Her decline had been so fast and it didn't seem to be slowing down. I sensed that there just wasn't much time. About halfway during the 3 1/2 hour drive I sensed my Grandpa Bingham's presence. I told him that he couldn't take Katie until I got there. When I arrived, I could feel other angels present. I went into Katie and told her who I was---she smiled and said, "Thanks for telling me." On her own initiative she sat forward and gave me a hug. She stayed leaning forward trying to have a conversation, but just couldn't. After a little bit, she whispered, "I want to go." I told her that she would be able to soon and that it was okay. I helped her sit back and I talked to her for just a little bit.

That evening, Andi and Danna (my other two sisters) and I left Dennis and the kids so they could have a last family home evening together with Katie. We went to Idaho Falls and bought funeral clothes for Dennis and the kids. When we returned, we spent a little more time with Katie then chatted with Dennis a bit. That night I could not sleep. There were angels present and I could feel them and I sensed that they would take our sweet Katie very soon.

The next morning, I heard Dennis's alarm clock go off at 5:35, but he didn't get up so I stayed down too. In a bit I saw the light flip on and he came to me and said, "Katie's gone." She'd only been gone for a half hour or so. I was filled with sadness, yet relief. How happy I was for her! She had completed this very important mission here on earth well! My sisters and I were there to hug the children and help make plans for the day. Some of the kids wanted to go to school, but didn't want to be the one to tell friends or teachers so we made phone calls to friends and schools. How thankful I am that I was able to be there! There was so much peace in the home and there was great solace in being able to help.

As my sisters and I talked, we mused that Katie must have wanted us all there when she went. However, on Sunday when I was thinking about it, the impression came that it was Heavenly Father who orchestrated the gathering because He loved us! He wanted us to feel united as sisters--all 4 of us. (because, honestly, from time to time we do experience a little sibling rivalry and we needed unity during this). He knew part of the healing balm we would each need would stem from us sharing that experience together and being together as we shared our grief that morning. Being there was a tender mercy for all of us.

In hind sight, I would not have left for Blackfoot immediately when Andi called on Monday had I not left in such haste the Thursday before. I would have stayed and pulled things together for my family and waited until Tuesday morning to leave. That would have been too late. I now realize that the urge to leave for home Thursday night was a prompting from the Spirit. Through that awful experience of feeling selfish and leaving Katie in a hard situation, Heavenly Father was really preparing me to take part of a beautiful tender mercy. How kind and loving He is!

November

Just for my records:

1) Week 1: Worked like crazy crossing things off my Primary to-do list and prepared to delegate out all my assignments so that I could be at Katie's errand for how ever long she needed (Since my Mom's was starting her radiation and I was the next closest sister, I knew I should be the one to take that role--at the time I made these arrangements, we had no idea how fast Katie would go). That week also included making lists/schedules etc. for those who remained home while I was to be gone. I also squeezed in a little shopping trip on Amazon to purchase Tessa's birthday gifts.

2) Week 2: I went to Katie's. I anticipated a lovely little catch up session on her Disneyland trip and some heart to heart sister chats while we worked on her "things to do before I die" list. I also hoped to clean a little, play with Mary a lot and maybe put some meals in the freezer. Not much of that happened. She was unable to carry on much of a conversation because her medication made her so sleepy and breathing became quite difficult with the slightest movements. My job became keeping her comfortable, answering the door and phone and arranging care for her. I did sneak in a few play sessions with Mary. After I returned home, I spent a lot of the time on the phone keeping updated, managing projects I had started with others(scrapbooks, tribute books etc.) and finalizing care arrangements. Saturday I went to the World Wide Training meeting. (I don't know if that felt so overwhelming because of all the changes or because of what was going on in my personal life. . .either way, it was a bit hard to bear that day.)

3) Week 3: Got the call from Andi reporting that the hospice nurse didn't expect that she would live until the end of the week. (Danna was also there.) Immediately I threw a bag together, made arrangements for my girls and left within 1/2 hour after that phone call. Katie passed away the next morning. Spent that day and the next helping Dennis with things he needed and cared and nurtured those six cute kids. The rest of the week was spent at home writing a funeral talk and making arrangements to be gone an entire week for the funeral and Thanksgiving. Had a little birthday lunch for Tessa--thankfully the shopping got done early. I didn't even have a chance to open the Amazon box until the night before her birthday.

4) Week 4: Worried about the weather. Andi's family and I left early so we could help dress Katie and pull things together for a display table. My family left later that day and got through Malad pass just before they closed it off. (Some of Dennis's siblings weren't as lucky.) The viewing was Tuesday night; funeral Wednesday. People said the service was nice, but I was numb and wasn't able enjoy it. I was a lot more emotional than I expected. Right after the luncheon on Wednesday we headed out on bad roads for Bear Lake---where Tom's family had a cabin reserved for the Thanksgiving weekend. We spent the rest of the week there and got home Saturday. (more about that in another post). Saturday evening we went to a much needed session at the temple.

I also did sharing time every Sunday in November. Busy, busy month! My girls are craving a little normalcy (as am I).

I guess I'm just going to have to leave this post untitled. My numb brain just can't put a label on my feelings right now. I'm also afraid that it can't write a needed blog post very well. I want it to sound like I at least passed an English class or two, but in the end I'm not sure it will have any cohesion, correct grammar or even be comprehensible. So with that, here we go:

1. I just spent a few days with Katie.

2. It was a much needed stay for me because I needed to feel useful, not helpless in coping with her situation.

3. It was hard to see my sister like that.

4. She declined just in the 3 days I was there. And I was already heartbroken on the first day.

5. I was amazed at her courage to mother and care for her family even though breathing is difficult--even with oxygen, her energy level is below zero, water retention and swelling is great, her left arm doesn't work and her mental alertness is dulled due to medication. (staying awake is also difficult with the meds.)

6. I couldn't ever begin to list the services people are wanting to give to that sweet family. Offers to do scrapbooking, yard work, meals, driving children places, coming in and making the house look festive and cheerful. . . .and on and on and on. . . (not to mention the expense free trip to Disneyland they took last week) That said, everyone wants to do things and it has become overwhelming. If you want to be of service, you could contact me or Katie's RS president and we can direct you.

7. Dennis is a rock. He bustles and bustles caring for the family: cooking, cleaning, driving to and fro, shopping etc. Also in a well-past midnight conversation, I was encouraged by his faith and his courage to keep going, keep moving, keep working. . . .He's got a tough road ahead (it's not easy now), but he'll make it.

8. I'm home again and feeling helpless. It is not a good feeling. I brought home projects to do and I'm going to have to infuse my heart with a high dose of spiritual nourishment before I will feel capable of tackling those. (at least I hope that will give me a jump start--I wandered around aimlessly today with the numbness settling in heavier as the day progressed.)

Look at how brave Katie is. Her courage is strong! (don't let these pictures fool you---every single time Katie is in action she is exerting all the energy she has--mothering to this degree is very physically difficult for her.)

I'm going to end with what I'm clinging to right now--my favorite quote by President Hinckley:

"I believe that God will always make a way where there is no way. I believe that if we walk in obedience to the commandments of God, if we follow the counsel of the priesthood, He will open a way even where there appears to be no way."

Somehow this will weave into a beautiful eternal picture. I just can't see it now.

Smile

While this picture does exhibit 2010 Halloween costumes, the real reason for this post is to show off Greta's 'smile'. Cracks me up.

Dr. Tessa

We've been asking Tess for a month what she was going to be for Halloween. She didn't know. When we made suggestions such as a princess, a baby, a mommy (all things she loves and pretends to be) with each one she answered an unconvincing "I guess".

But last week I asked her if she wanted to be a doctor and she screamed delightfully "Yes!". Unfortunately she was sick for the next five days and so shopping for a costume didn't happen. This morning we ran over to Total Scrubs and thankfully they had toddler-sized scrubs--how cute is that? She was thrilled (and so was I because I could check that off my list with one stop!)

On the way home she listed the things we needed to get for her doctor kit: "One of those pressure things, some band-aids, some medicine, a crutch, a stethoscope, a shot, some charts." I was surprised at how much she knew! We came home and put a kit together. We had an expired baby Tylenol bottle that we dumped out & rinsed out then filled with Kool-Aid. Just today we finished off the fluoride vitamins so that bottle was washed and filled with candy. I gave her a medicine syringe for a shot and I gave her a box of band-aids. We printed off some growth charts and I distracted her enough to not ask for a 'pressure thing' or a crutch.

She's been on top of the world today: trick-or-treating at Tom's work then giving everyone in the family check ups. During a conversation earlier today she said, "I'm not a baby doctor, I'm a sister doctor". I asked her what kind of doctor that was, she said, "A pediatrician".

Here are some pictures from Greta's check up:

Greta getting a shot.

Greta acting the part: Oww! That hurts! Tessa getting a band-aid. (She insisted that everyone get a band-aid!)

Giving medicine.

Listening to the heart.

So delightful and fun! (BTW, her scrubs and doctor kit are sleeping soundly next to her. )

Shopping Momma

Greta is starting show preferences it toys. Besides coloring and crayons she loves having a purse on her shoulder and pushing strollers or shopping carts around. When I ask her if she is a Mommy she nods yes. Too cute. The tiara in this picture is just a bonus. . .

Curls!

After a bath and a little gel we can get Greta's hair looking really cute in the back: However, it only takes a moment in the car seat or a nap to rub it all out. So she's usually only got cute hair for a couple of hours a day since I never get back to fixing it--that and I can never get the same look without washing it again. Some days I almost don't want to put her down for a nap because I know the curls are going to go! Silly me.

(Wasn't I lucky to have Jonny for a week?)

She's Learning!

An Avon catalog arrived and since catalogs are one of Tessa's favorite things, it could not be thrown out. However, there were some immodest pictures in it. I tore some out, but there were some on the back of 'some cute girl stuff'. So Tessa she thought of a way to take care of that.

Then she found a picture of a guy without a shirt on and she promptly tore it out. (love the disgusted look!) Some Barbie's weren't fully covered either so we took care of that.

I love that she is understanding and willing to modify to meet standards.

Time Travel Anyone?

For Cache's broadcasting class he had to make a "how to video".

He did 'how to time travel'.

I have yet to see the video so I can't share the secrets, but I do have a few pictures of the video being made. The time machine is still in my garage, but apparently you need crystals for exiting this period. They have been returned to their owner so even after I get to see the movie, I won't be able to experience this phenomenon. Too bad. It looks fantastic!

Spot the Difference

Or maybe I should say spot the similarity.

Picture A, on the left, is taken 2 months before Tessa turned 2.

Picture B, on the right, is 1 month before turning 4.

Either way, the same pair of 6-9 month pants are sported in each picture (that Tessa snuck out of Greta's drawer and wore all over town today!).

I was going to retire these pants since both girls are well past the size and winter is approaching. . . but I can see that at least Greta may get another year or so out of them. They are one of my favorite pairs!

Sneaky Peeky Spying

{To quote Junie B. Jones!}

Cache made a periscope for the Carpentry Merit Badge. He and Tom were caught (by me) peeping over the fence! (But it's not like we haven't seen it. . .the kids hop the fence all of the time to retrieve balls.)

If there is a will. . . there is a way

Many almost-4-year-olds can open a fridge, but because of Tessa's size, she hasn't ever been able to. It has been a blessing! But her ingenuity took that problem up and solved it! Take a look:

(She uses the same method to open the van door.)

First Thing This Morning

The request was put in: "Mooooom, can we go swimming?"

It's a legitimate request since they are all ready--all by themselves even.

Alas. . . our list is long today so it can't be squeezed in.

Cross Country

Caleb has been running cross country this year. I'll admit I've had to give myself frequent pep talks so I could allow him to be gone so much--they started in June with 3 days a week but by the end of the summer they had practice twice daily. (I've missed him!) However, after I started going to races, my song changed a little. . .I became very impressed that his coach could take a kid who had no background in running and bad legs (his feet are overly pronated and one leg is shorter than the other--so an unusual running motion) and helped him become as good as he has become this year. I was impressed all year, but in his last race--regionals--he took 12th out of about 100 runners in the JV race (he's a freshman). Not too bad! In the race pictured here, AF's JV team took 2nd amongst about 15 other school's Varsity teams. (The coach was giving the varsity runners too hard of work outs in preparation for Regionals to let them run that race.) But more important than all of that, I've seen Caleb grow in mental toughness, discipline and experience success in something so difficult. This is so good for him!

Lessons in Texting

Cache is an unusual teenager. And I am thankful. Lately he has been making sure my texting learning curve is heading in the right direction.

With Cache's bedroom right next to the storage room it is sooooo very convenient to send a quick text asking him to bring me something I need for dinner making. I loved this new convenience until he said to me, "Mom, we're in the same house. If you want to talk to me, come and visit." I get it. Lesson 1: Texting shouldn't replace interaction even if it is more convenient and we already talk a lot.

After sending him a text something akin to 'thx', he replied: "Mom, the English language is being corrupted because of texting." Lesson 2: Spell and punctuate correctly.

I mentioned to Cache one day that I had texted Caleb during school. It wasn't a time sensitive message and I don't do it often, but it was just something I wanted answered at some point so I sent it. His response? "What kind of mom are you? You are just adding to the problem." Lesson 3: Make sure I'm setting the example. Cell phones are hindering education and when I text my child during school it sends the message that texting during school hours is acceptable.

One final lesson from a member of our stake presidency: "Being trivially connected has great consequences." Definitely food for thought with the ease and overuse of texting among teens. (I also appreciated the direction given in conference on this.)

Having kids with cell phones puts a greater responsibility on me to teach correct usage, etiquette and accountability. Thankfully my oldest has me heading in the right direction.

"Does You Need Caleb?"

The phone rang tonight and Tessa insisted that she answer. (as is frequently the case) Caller ID said 1-800-Service so she got to answer. I could tell that it was a recording so I left the room. When I came back I heard her saying, "Does you need Caleb? He speaks Spanish." (As good as an energetic student in 2nd year Spanish can.)

I'll Be Glad. . .

When the Tessa-trying-to-potty-train-Greta stage is over.

It consists of finding Greta (multiple times a day) sans glasses and clothes hanging precariously on the toilet with Tessa hovering nearby.

Next comes coaxing Greta back into clothes. . .locating glasses. . .

and convincing Tessa that Greta isn't quite ready for potty training.

Sounds simple, but those really aren't the easiest of tasks and

it has grown old

quite

quickly. . .

My Murals

Besides putting time in on almost everyone's paintings I also did 7 of my own. I didn't intend to do that many, but in the end I wanted the whole fence completed and everyone else was less energetic about that goal than me.

My first one didn't win me any popularity contests with the kids, but I'm forever a teacher and firmly believe that walls and visuals should teach and remind. (The kids' complaints sounded something along the line of "Mom, how come all of your murals are 'churchy'? What they don't realize is that the reminder is just as much for me as it is for them!)

Sister Beck's talk in April 2010 conference spoke to me. She talked about navigating successfully through life with the help of the spirit. ("with personal revelation, [a woman] can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.") I loved the image of navigating with a map.

A little piece of Americana. . .

After doing Tessa's ABC mural I decided I wanted something representative of my teaching years. I chose a few of the safety tips from the dust cover of Officer Buckle and Gloria. The book came out shortly after I began my teaching career and I used it every year for many different activities. It still is one of my favorites.

I wanted to do a throw-some-paint-on-the-fence mural. . .(something abstract that I didn't plan out that would be a color explosion). I had a large space on the back fence that was assigned to me, but I wasn't confident with my paint-throwing skills so I opted to do a planned-out scrapbooking look. Not super happy with this one, but it's too much work to change. . . In the curvy lines I stamped quotes: Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections. **Happiness is a habit. Cultivate it. ** Smile! ** Our greatest joy comes from developing love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. ** Love---no matter what.

This is the one I've gotten the most comments on. . . and it was one of the easiest to do. . . and one of my favorites. I love how it captures each of us.

(To create it, I took pictures--consecutive shot setting--of each of us, printed them and traced the outline of them onto a sheet protector and then projected them up.)

In the end I had a large area that still needed paint and since it was off in the corner I decided to throw some paint. . . .Amazingly, I'm fairly happy with how it turned out.

(Whew. . . now onto blogging the other things I'm WAAAAYYYY behind on. . .I'm sure you're happy to moving onto a new subject too!)

Tom's Murals

While Tom was 100% supportive of this project, he wasn't too enthusiastic about painting. But I twisted his arm ;). He painted two of his and I painted one.

His first one is the Chinese symbol for love.

His second one is a skier. (Before he married me he used to ski 40 something days a year. . .that definitely has changed!)

Tom got his masters from Purdue so I convinced him a logo would be a good representative for him. (What he *really* wanted was Western Bulldog's Logo--Australian football team--- just to be quirky--ah I love that guy!)