Tessa has had a lot of questions and comments about death lately. It is such a hard concept for her and she brings it up fairly often because I think she is trying hard to make sense of it.
1) Two days before Katie passed away, Tessa drew this picture:
It says: "This is a hand reaching out getting Mary's Mom." At the time I thought it was very premature, but she must have had a little insight--I don't recall any talks with her about this kind of thing prior to this drawing.
2) Tessa asks often when I am going to get cancer and pass away so she can go to Dis-e-nyland.
3) She randomly tells people "My mom's sister passed away."--people who come over, at church and people in the grocery store.
4) One day she was persistently asking if there was dirt in grass. I couldn't satisfactorily answer her question (every explanation brought frustration for her). Finally I said something to effect that underneath grass there was dirt. She started crying. Then said, "I don't want to die." "I HATE dirt!" Since then she says things to me like "You know I don't love dirt, Mom." I'm not sure where she got the idea about bodies put in dirt or grass because there was only snow visible at Katie's funeral and she doesn't have any other reference to it. But some how she got that all figured out.
5) She was asking me one day about dying. She asked me who would take care of her if she died. I smiled and said, "Katie will take care of you!" She grinned from ear to ear. (Moments later she burst into tears saying she would miss me if she died--yet some how it is okay in her mind if I pass away.)
6) A few weeks ago she was giving the FHE lesson on Jesus living in Heaven. We had talked earlier while preparing the lesson about Katie living there also. While giving the lesson, she suddenly burst into inconsolable tears. She wasn't upset and she did finish her lesson but after she ran to her room. I think she was overcome by the spirit and didn't know how to react. It was quite tender.
7) Tessa said today (1-21-11): "Can you type in the password? I need to type a quick email." I asked who she needed to write to. She said, "I just need to tell everyone in the ward who doesn't know that Katie died."
2 comments:
When my mom passed away 9 years ago, my niece was about 3 yrs. old. She would often tell people "our Nana died" wherever she was--the store, church, even me when we visited their family about 2 months later for the holidays. Do you think it's healthier to just put it out there so people know where you're coming from? I don't know.
I'm sure we had talks with our kids about Nana and where she was and how she wasn't sick anymore, but I honestly don't remember much from the first 6 months after she died. I actually think I might be doing better (in some ways) this time around...
Thanks for sharing Tessa's thoughts.
My youngest has been concerned about the cold and leaving Katie's body in the snow. She was upset because Katie was not buried with a coat or hat or gloves. She can't quite grasp the concept of the separation of body and spirit.
When I tell her that Katie is happy now she asks, "Then why wasn't she smiling?" (refering to her body in the casket) I know it's a hard concept for her. Of all my children, she has talked about Katie's passing the most. I'm glad she does because it's good for me too.
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