Depleted

It's been one of those days. . . .

But I suppose it can't be blamed only on one day. It hasn't been the greatest week---that spring forward really threw me off. And Tessa. And Greta. Sleep just hasn't been happening this week like it should. And I went to bed drained last night. We had a Primary meeting (along with a night of visits to children in the ward) so I didn't get home until after 10:00. And unfortunately I always come home and beat myself up for not saying things correctly or not being as sensitive and I should have been. . . .maybe you know the drill too. I don't like that I do that to myself--which often starts another bad cycle. Then an even later night conversation with a teenager sucked the remaining emotional fumes right out of me.

So perhaps that is why today seemed to start so off-kilter.

After getting everyone off this morning I looked at my list of things to do. It was too long even for a day when I'm bursting with energy. I was a little depressed realizing that there was no way possible for me to tackle what I wanted to do today. {sigh} I made myself okay with that and planned a lighter load for myself. . . .

And then Tessa scribbled all over the counter top. Fifteen minutes later, she dumped an entire cup of water on her bedroom floor. Then flushed a diaper down the toilet. I decided that she needed some attention. We spent a good twenty minutes singing at the piano. Then another twenty minutes reading stories. Then Luke came to play and I played Hiss and Bob the Builder matching with them--close to an hour play time. Surely with that, she could be a little independent without causing more trouble. . . not to be. Still needing more attention, she peed on her bed, put her head out the screen of an open window and has terrorized nearly every room in the house. . . .

Sanity is not resting in great abundance in me today. I keep reminding myself that "God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be. . . " Unfortunately I can't say that I've used today to become what I should become. As the day wanes, I've found little in the reserves for patience. . . .just feeling so depleted.

I guess there needs to be days like this to appreciate varying other degrees of family life. And perhaps feeling depleted even has value. . . .it helps me be more compassionate and be thankful for the days I have an abundance of energy and some patience and ability to cope with that energetic three year old. . . .I'm thankful that I don't feel the level of frustration I've felt with her today on most days (because her behavior hasn't been that abnormal). And I guess that thought is what is giving me energy to type this post. . .

It's the next day. . . .
After a good night's sleep, and a little time at the gym listening to talks, things are better. Just a few gems I needed to hear this morning:
"The Lord will shape the back to fit the burden placed upon it."
"Our responsibility is not trivial; it is not by chance that we are who we are; the keeping of our covenants in these days of destiny will be a badge of honor throughout all the eternities." (from Neil L. Andersen's Come unto Him-April 2009)
"Shrink not from your duty, however unpleasant, But follow the Savior, your pattern and friend. Our little afflictions, thou painful at present, Ere long, with the righteous in glory will end. "
"Be fixed in your purpose, for Satan will try you; The weight of your calling he perfectly knows. Your path may be thorny, but Jesus is nigh you; His arm is sufficient, tho demons oppose." (2nd and 4th verse The Time is Far Spent)

There is purpose in all my struggles. I'll keep trying. . .