If emotions could be bottled, chemists could have a grand time mixing them all up into all sorts of dangerous creations. . . . Oh wait, women do that every day without any kind of knowledge in scientific engineering.
I find myself mixing polar opposites lately. It is such a strange combination. Case in point:
I'm dreading the phone call from Moran Eye Center telling me Greta's glasses are ready. So not ready for ten years of bent frames, scratched lenses, misplaced glasses. . .
Yet, I'm anxiously waiting for a phone call so we can finally get the pollies.
I'm filled with excitement for Greta to be able to see more clearly--something she hasn't ever known.
Yet, I'm sad that little Greta doesn't enjoy the gift of sight naturally and that we have to go this route.
I'm deeply grateful that we are able to help her see and enjoy things around her and develop properly.
Yet, I fear that she won't be cute in glasses. (I know you've already been over this with me; but this worry still hasn't subsided.)
But on the other hand, how can she not be cute in little pink pollies?
I'm scared that she'll look like she is wearing little magnifying glasses.
Yet, we got the polycarbonate lenses with the aspheric grind so it will be the best technology available. And I'm thankful that option is available vs. what used to be the option: Coke bottle bottoms.
I'm enjoying the last few days of not having glasses to worry about or having them obstruct her cuteness.
Yet, I'm aching for her to be able to see--I find myself gazing at her wondering how much of me she sees.
I'm enjoying the last few days of anonymity of people not staring at my baby and asking questions.
Yet, I'm looking forward a bit (gasp) to meeting new people and hearing of others who are in our same situation.
I've been wondering if her sweet-easy-going nature is going to change.
Or is it going to be a welcome change because it's going to be so fun to watch her explore as she's never been able to before?
I'm worrying whether or not I'll be happy with the decisions I made regarding her frames (having them 'tweaked' and the pieces not matching vs. having to use a band to hold them on).
Yet, I'm feeling good that I made the right decision about the frames because they'll fit her well and that will make all the difference in how cute they are. And not having to worry about the band holding them on will be a much better option.
I've been wondering if I'm going to laugh or cry when they put them on her--am I really ready for what lies ahead?
Yet, I feel completely at peace knowing that we have been led and guided up to this point and that everything is going to work out.
And so if this is the case, how come all the strange mixture of emotion? How come I am crying and smiling while typing this post?
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Mixtures
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6 comments:
I suppose the fact you posted this at 1:03 AM is evidence of your anxiety. I suppose that Tom is in bed fast asleep so you can enjoy this questioning moment without the matter of fact wisdom of men. Why is there this difference between men and women? I know it is good for society to have these differences but after all these things pass, we come to understand it all. I HOPE.
Dad
Dad, this was actually posted at 1:03 PM, however all this mixture of emotion has been the same regardless of my levels of cognition. Tom actually read my post before I published it. He just smiled and told me he understood how I was feeling. He knows that although I have many qualms over it all, I'll pull through and put my chin up when I have to. He also knows that writing it out is therapeutic and will be a good reminder for me in the future to have faith even though I can't see what is ahead. And I do have to say that Tom is amazing at dealing with all the mixtures of emotion I concoct up. His differences actually bring so much needed balance to me. Can't live without him!
My best friend's mom put it best...every blessing comes with a trial. And vice versa. She is a wise woman. I haven't been able to think of an exception yet. Let me know if you can.
Strange how all these emotions reminded me of a week in March 2007. Kind of a lets-get-on-with-it-already feeling but very nervous too and all of it more or less covered with a blanket of peace. Very roller coasterish.
I love how frank and honest you are. I can't completely understand what you are going through, but the way you have explained and described I feel as though I can...I'm praying for you, and hoping for the best.
Darcee
T'would be good if I observed the time more closely but, I have observed Tom and his love and work with you and the family. I wish I were as good. Yes, he is the man!
Dad
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