I Used to Be a Palstic Bottle

So I got reusable grocery bag. . .right away I noticed a defect:I said to myself, "Sometimes I feel just like that!"---my weaknesses and faults and inadequacies and deficiencies and imperfections stamped right on the front of me for all to see! As it has hung on my door for a few days a little analogy has formed in my mind.

When this bag was a plastic bottle, it had a purpose and value--it held water. And then when the water was being consumed, it was carried and appreciated because it helped quench thirst. But then, suddenly, it was useless. Situations had changed and the bottle was left without purpose. Perhaps it was put in a garbage and left until a recycler saw value in it. The value was not what the bottle had originally known, but that would be okay since the bottle could again have purpose. It then went through a very rigorous and probably painful process of crushing and melting and who knows what else, to become a new useful creation. The change was great and the bottle would not be recognized at all. But its new life would be okay, at least it could be serviceable again. Then to make sure there would be no identity issues, the maker of the new bag stamped in bold the bag's origin. While a new item, the bag was not yet perfect because of that stamp. HOWEVER. . . . and here was the important part for me. . . the bag is still very serviceable! As glaring as this bag's imperfection is, it still has value and can do what it was made to do---that is not changed at all by the imperfection--unless it does not ever get used. And then the whole process of becoming something of value again would be wasted.

Lots of connections can be made from that analogy. . . .but the one that hits home to me right now is that I don't have to be perfect to be of value or to be serviceable--especially since I'm feeling very overwhelmed by my inadequacies right now. Very good timing for these meandering thoughts. . . .

Do you have any other thoughts that could be added to this analogy? Other applications or implications? I'd love to hear them!

Redirected

So the other night I was zooming (well, not really zooming 'cause I was only walking) around the track listening to conference talks and one of Joseph B. Wirthlin's came up on the playlist. . . .it was Come What May and Love It. (from Oct 2008) As he talked, I realized I need to do a little repenting. This Primary calling hasn't been embraced by me with much love. There definitely are things I will love about it. . . .the kids. . . doing sharing times. . . .working with great ladies. . .enjoying the music of the Primary. . . .and I could go on. But there are things about it that are not comfortable or enjoyable for me. . . being the decision maker. . . .being the problem solver. . . lots of meetings. . . . unfortunately I could go on with this list too. And I have been focusing on those uncomfortable things in regards to my feelings about the whole calling. That has been wrong. Since I regard Elder Wirthlin as a prophet, I have an opportunity to apply his teaching with the promise that blessings and safety will come. I will do better. I am recommitting to loving what comes!

And with those thoughts flowing in my mind, when this little youth gem from Elder Scott arrived in my inbox this morning, it caught my attention: ". . . You must exercise your agency to authorize the Spirit to teach you. " A connection was made. Choosing to love what comes my way is a very conscious and deliberate choice--then when I use my agency in a correct way the Spirit will be authorized to teach me. I need that. Oh how I need that. Elder Scott continues, "As you make this a practice in your life, you will be more perceptive to the feelings that come with spiritual guidance. Then, when that guidance comes, sometimes when you least expect it, you will recognize it more easily.” I have found in my life that after I have followed promptings and done the things I've felt led to do, future enlightenments and inspiration are stronger and more perceptible. Which is another reason for me to work hard to love what comes my way--I need that power in my life for so many reasons. So thankful for all the ways Heavenly Father works to reach me and teach me the things I need to do.

Valerie's Prize!

Some of you may be wondering what my cute friend, Valerie (who I've actually never met), won as her prize. Well, I'll tell you! She was too sweet and didn't really want to ask for anything, but she won and I was going to make good my prize! She pretty much left it in my ball park. Too much freedom for me is not necessarily a good thing! So I hope she liked what I came up with.
*Edited to add: This quote is from the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, page 5.
Her house seems to be very open to friends and neighbors. . . friends of neighbors. . . neighbors of friends. . . you get the idea. So I thought a powerful quote that might make a difference for one of those passerbys would be appropriate. I lovingly cut out, by hand, with my trusty little exacto knife 113 letters each in hopes that someone somewhere makes a choice for the better. I enjoyed every minute of its creation! Maybe one of these days I'll make one for myself!

Time to Grow Again

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you might remember my Time to Grow post about a year and a half year ago where I announced my pregnancy with Greta. Well, it's time to grow again, I guess. . . . this time in a different way. Growth is uncomfortable. And I don't really like it.

I think of this story told by President Eyring often:

Dad was the senior high councilor in his stake with the responsibility for the welfare farm. An assignment was given to weed a field of onions, so Dad assigned himself to go work on the farm.

Dad never told me how hard it was, but I have met several people who were with him that day. I talked to one of them on the phone the other night to check the story. The one I talked to said that he was weeding in the row next to Dad through much of the day. He told me the same thing that others who were there that day have told me. He said that the pain was so great that Dad was pulling himself along on his stomach with his elbows. He couldn't kneel. The pain was too great for him to kneel. {He had bone cancer.} Everyone who has talked to me has remarked how Dad smiled, and laughed, and talked happily with them as they worked in that field of onions.

Now, this is the joke Dad told me on himself, afterward. He said he was there at the end of the day. After all the work was finished and the onions were all weeded, someone asked him, "Henry, good heavens! You didn't pull those weeds, did you? Those weeds were sprayed two days ago, and they were going to die anyway."

Dad just roared. He thought that was the funniest thing. He thought it was a great joke on himself. He had worked through the day in the wrong weeds. They had been sprayed and would have died anyway.

When Dad told me this story, I knew how tough it was. So I said to him, "Dad, how could you make a joke out of that? How could you take it so pleasantly?"

He said something to me that I will never forget, and I hope you won't. He said, "Hal, I wasn't there for the weeds."

Now, you'll be in an onion patch much of your life. So will I. It will be hard to see the powers of heaven magnifying us or our efforts. It may even be hard to see our work being of any value at all. And sometimes our work won't go well.

But you didn't come for the weeds. You came for the Savior. And if you pray, and if you choose to be clean, and if you choose to follow God's servants, you will be able to work and wait long enough to bring down the powers of heaven.

(To read the whole talk go here.)

I think of that often. I'm not here for the weeds or the onions. I'm here for the Savior. And I pray every single day to be of service to Him. My intentions with those prayers are to know who and how to help. Often they are answered with ideas of who might benefit from something I can give. But now, my prayers are being answered in different ways. And frankly, I don't want to do it. Really, I don't. But as I said in my other Time to Grow post, "I have learned that innumerable blessings come from the submission of our wills to Heavenly Father. . . .That isn't to say that there haven't been internal struggles. There have!! But it is when we condescend below what we feel as acceptable that spiritual growth takes place and power comes into our lives in ways it can't otherwise. " And since faith without works is dead, what good is my faith if I'm not willing to work and serve where and when asked? It's not good for much. So that is why I accepted the call to be Primary president even when I didn't. really. want. to. Please don't get me wrong. I will jump in and work hard and do my best, but this is just not something I would choose for myself. I was really hoping to sign up for nursery after the presidency I was in was released. But obviously we don't always get what we want.

I came home from church on Sunday and looked in the mirror and said out loud to myself "What in the world just happened to me?" And then I cried. This is very, very uncomfortable. My inadequacies and weaknesses are glaring and many. Which is probably why I get this. . . .I've got so much to improve on. But since I'm not here for the weeds or the onions, I will do it, comfortable or not.

ps. . .I've debated as to whether or not to post this. . . I really don't like to even put this out there, but the family historian in me won out. . . this is important for my posterity to know.

Another ps. . .it is against the law on my blog to say 'congratulations' about something like this. This is not something I aspired to or a status I've attained. So if you have something to say, please don't use that c word.

Meet Surface Wash Only

Tessa has been playing with our plethora of Beanie Babies lately. I guess that Chandler has taught her that each Beanie Baby's name is on the tag. Of course to a three year old, that knowledge is transferable. The other day she asked what Strawberry Shortcake's tag said. I read it to her and not long later I hear her cooing and calming Strawberry Shortcake: "Ohhhhh, it's okay Surface Wash Only."

No Particular Reason. . . .

For this video except my family is changing and growing and it won't be long until not all of them are under my little roof (sniff, sniff).

Just a few notes. . .

This video is uneventful and probably not even watchable to anyone but myself, but that's who I'm putting it on here for.

It was Caleb's games for FHE and he wanted to play basketball. He assigned teams then said, "And mom, is it okay if you sit out?" I just laughed. (What he really meant was "we want to play rough and that's impossible with you in the game.")

I love the little baby cooes you hear in the background.

Tessa did make one basket, just didn't get it on video.

The red balloon addition is oh, so Cache.

The kids getting along this well--without little outbursts, moments of pouting or a few slugs is, well, unusual. (I think I should turn the video on more often!)

Valentines

Monday night during FHE Chandler announced that he had to pass out Valentines this year (the 4th grade in his school hasn't ever exchanged Valentines so this was a surprise to me). Our tradition has always been to make our own Valentines. With Tom out of town, the girls both sick and my plate feeling oh so full I just knew there was no way I could pull off homemade. Cache sensed my panic and immediately offered his help. Of course when you enlist Cache's help, it comes with quirks and all. . . all of us who know him well get a kick out of him, but I'm not quite sure what fellow 4th graders are going to think! Here are the two versions they made. Then they stapled some candy to the card. The most comical thing about it all was listening to Cache convince Chandler that these were very cool valentines. That boy could be a very good lawyer if he chose! I don't think Chandler was ever entirely convinced, but caved to big brother's persuasion. (but what a relief to not have to even worry one bit about them. Thanks, Cache, you are a lifesaver!)

College Solicitations

I know every high school student gets mail from colleges, but this seems a little overboard. I guess colleges are finding out that advertising works. I find it very interesting what the schools choose to put on their advertisements. . .one school boasted that they had a higher Frisbee per capita than any other college. (hmmm, I guess that could be a big draw for a few people?) Others are over $50,000/year for tuition. . . Another has 9:1 student:faculty ratio. . . Another claims its unofficial footwear is flip flops. . .

At this juncture not a peep has been mentioned as to where Cache would like to go or what he would like to study (because I'm pretty sure he doesn't know himself); it will be interesting to see what decisions he makes and where he chooses to go. . .

Kings Fan

Chandler announced the other day, "I was born to be a King's fan. . . .it has just taken me nine years to discover it!" (The Jazz have moved down a notch.) I'll be more convinced of this destiny if he's still going strong in a few years. . . .

And the Winner is. . .

Valerie!

Yay! I'll contact you with questions for details about what you want.

And thank you, thank you, thank you to my readers!! All your comments made my week so wonderful. I felt so loved and happy to have such nice friends. I love you all!